lonemagpie

Well, it's been an interesting opthalmic appointment. Where we found that, despite the diabetic unit reckoning that the blood tests and liver damage to one corner means the diabetes is a recent development caught early, my eyes have been diabetic for "at least a decade, probably decadeS."

I knew I'd popped a blood vessel in the right one a few weeks ago, but it turns out there's leakge and macular oedema in both - advanced diabetic retinopathy. So while, yes, I got the expected booking for urgent laser treatment, as early as next week, I also got "without the treatment you will go blind." And there's no guarantees to the treatment preventing that (70-90% success rate isn't a guarantee).

It's freaky and frankly terrifying to get my head around. Death is one thing, but I really, really don't fucking want to go blind. I don't expect any real improvement, but I'll be more than happy with stopping it in its tracks and preventing further damage.

And then I'll new glasses to be able to focus what's left, if it's worth the bother.

It's not just the obvious that's freaky and terrifying, but the dichotomy between bits of me showing it as caught early, and bits showing as having been liiving with it undiagnosed for a *long* time. I mean, who and what do I trust on that?

I get that, logically and numberically and objectivvely, surgery plus keeping the diabetes under control (which I have been doing since diagnosis - and the eye surgeon, who first asked "how did you not know you were diabetic before?" was impressed how solid I have it) should hold it, that 10-30% margin is not sitting well with me. He also said "If you'd come in like this 40 years ago, there was no treatment".

So here's hoping that the surgery works (and we won't know for at least a couple of months) and that I can somehow stop feeling sick and shivery at the thought.

On the upside, at the least they reassured me about how the laser surgery works.