lonemagpie

So what did I manage in 2020, my 52nd year? Um... earned not one penny, finished not one writing project [these are probably connected, but Lesley needed to do her writing to stay sane while keyworking, and I can't write when there's typing going on], fought no tournaments, got no auths, nor got my students any auths of prize plays... in fact moved my SCA path from 18 months behind to two and a half years behind. Took on one new novel project, which got canned halfway through when rights issues changed, and one short story project which I'll turn in next week.

Started or announced intentions to start more craft projects than ever. Did finish a couple, like Eowyn's shield, etc [seriously, is it wrong that I made leather vambraces for fencing to hold down a shirt cuff that a button had come off, rather than sew a button on cos it wouldn't match the other cuff?] and new flexible articulated armour carapace is 70% there...

Don't feel I did the looking after people [other than Lesley] thing or did 'my bit' even though I know I did give shelter at the start of the year, and a new duvet in a bag to someone who needed it on Boxing Day... But all the endless, eternal, propaganda of 'do your bit by staying home and keeping away from people' doesn't do it for me, as I always lived like that anyway. Saw they got proof that a mild or asymptomatic case of covid does give some resistance/immunity and wish I could have given some blood plasma to help with that, but I'm not allowed cos mine's.... unusual.

Did read more books, but at the cost of less activity and higher blood glucose. Did build some models, teach Zoom classes, make videos on fencing tips [nothing sparks the impostor syndrome quite like those]... won a prize for cooked stuff the week before Lockdown 1.0 started. Dunno that stuff crammed into te first two months of the year counts for the lack of anything in the other 10. Oh, and did become Principality Rapier Champion, which is nice.

Thought I was doing mentally well for most of it cos it was closer to my normal life, but probably not, in the end.

So what for this year? I usually like to start Jan 1st with new things; write a paragrah at least of something totally new, start a new model, a new game...

Workwise it's impossible to tell. Keep pitching, keep at the stuff I'm already doing, hopefully things in retail will ease in such a way that I can tell Lesley tolet me do my work, if any. Who knows, it all depends too much on other people agreeing to things.

Event wise... nobody can plan anything more than about ten days in advance, so effectively it's still 2020. [Looking at when legislation expires, what platitudes and lies the government are saying, and running the numbers of vaccines actually likely to be rolled out, I suspect we'll see Tiers 3 and 4 solid through Jan/Feb, go random and politicised in March before dropping off and being replaced by something new in a Coronavirus Act 2021 at Easter, such as no tiers but caps on gathering sizes, and even if they get the vaccine rollout up to the quoted aim of 2 million a month by Feb or March, you won't hit effective herd immunity coverage level until... October. And they only have half a million doses, enough for a quarter million people, for January. I'd be confident of having Yule Ball and Xmas Markets next year, and proper Remembrance Day and Strictly Blackpool Week, but everything in summer I'd call 50/50 at this point, and the likes of Eastercon is still buggered.

Healthwise... I'd planned to not take the new tablets until after a Feb/March blood test to see if increasing activity levels would bring the numbers down, because if they came down I wouldn't know whether tablets or activity did it, but they have the pharmacy call to see whether there are any side effects, so I'm going to have to take some anyway to keep them off my back... Bleh.

But for today, write something new, glue something new, play the first level of something new, try to sieze power somewhere.... And finish off and post up the playlist for 2020's musical score.

The annual Xmas end of year meme

1. What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?

Fought in an armoured tournament, won an SCA fencing tournament.

2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

As I say every year, I don't make them. The way you live your life is for life, not just New Year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Not that I know of.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes, very much so- my ex (and mother of my ex-stepson if you want to look at it that way), Gina. She was three years younger than me, only 46 at the time. That's somewhat... hard to take in, at that age.

5. What countries did you visit?

None outside the mainland UK.

6. What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

Calm and a lack of backstabbing would be nice. Satisfaction. Such limited ambitions as I have in the SCA would be nice.

It'd be nice to be a convention guest again.

7. What date from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

Several, related to death and backstabbing. June 9th maybe qualifies, being a good day of fighting demo in good weather, followed by the nearest to hypoing I've had in three years, and it being Gina's memorial day.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting a regular paying gig. I hope I can keep it.

Fighting for Dame Leonet - Lynette - in Coronet *the morning after being in quite a bad state) and getting nine kills for her (albeit one discounted due to a hold being called, and so officially only 8)

9. What was your biggest failure?

I'm sure there are too many to choose from. We worked out this time last that by the end of this year we'd be debt-free. We are, of course, exactly as far behind as we were this time last year.

The warranted-as-a-Marshal thing never happened.

If I don't keep the regular paying gig, then we'll retroactively know that was it, though.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing major this time, just the usual ongoing. I'm annoyed that my HBAC number rose in the summer, and there was a bit of a mild concussion after doing the Sunday breakfast at Yule Ball.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Farpoint, my longbow.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Lesley of course. Anne, without whom I doubt we could live; Lynette, who sponsored my Provost prize-play; Yannick, Helena Vestfjord and Vitus and family; Catherine Sherwell, who turned out so great on the fencing field in the summer; Sue Griffiths; Rebekah Wells, who's made such nice stuff for Lesley... probably lots of other people.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Well if you've been following this page, you can probably take a wild stab in the dark at the convention backstabber and SCA ones too.

14. Where did most of your money go?

As last year- Bills and arrears and SCA adventures.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

I'm not sure I'm capable of being really excited about anything any more. Let down too many times.

16. What song will always remind you of 2018?

I dunno.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? Both; my extremes seem to be swinging wider. Mainly it's angrier and more hurt rather than sadder.
ii. thinner or fatter? Exactly the same, 12 stone, by intentional maintenance, as it's my idea weight.
iii. richer or poorer? Richer, if you can call it that.

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Archery with Farpoint.

Fencing/choreography/self defence workshops teaching and coaching, as I always say.

Orgies and bisexual depravity

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Having needles stuck in my eyeballs. Been stabbed in the back and thus mired in bitterness. (Yes, I know all about the mindfulness stuff to let things go, and I try, but it just... doesn't work for that. I have a long memory and a capacity for forgiveness limited only to those I love.)

20. How will you be spending Christmas?

Playing Assassin's Creed Unity on the sparkly new Xbox One. And still working.

21. How will you be spending New Year's?

Hoping the Dr Who special isn't shit. Hanging out in York.

As always, I like to write a bit of something completely new on January 1st, and maybe watch something completely new,

22. Did you fall in love in 2018?

I've said in previous years that I fall in love anew every day, or every time I see the person, with those I've fallen in love with (so, Lesley, obviously)- but if you mean with a new person, no.

23. How many one-night stands?

None.

24. What was your favorite TV program(s)?

Star Trek Discovery, Westworld, Lucifer, The Flash, Legends Of Tomorrow, Murdoch Mysteries, Dr Who, etc

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Ah, yes... You have been paying attention to previous answers, right?

26. What was the best book you read?

Probably Red Country by Joe Abercrombie (fiction) or Tokyo Vice by Jake Adelstein (nonfiction)

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

The score for Outlander, maybe.

28. What did you want and get?

Finally, regular paid contracts! I just hope I can keep them next year.

An Xbox One.

The rank of Provost in the Academy of Defence.

29. What did you want and not get?

The warranting as Rapier Marshal that I was told in the spring I was ready for.

To be a guest at a convention again, as I had been booked for.

To visit my dad in Scotland as planned.

30. What was your favourite film of this year?

Deadpool 2

31. What did you do on your birthday?

It's next week, so hasn't happened yet. Last year... I think I went to look for bargains in CEX.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Putting Lynette on the ID throne.

Not failing to get things done.

Otherwise, examine the preceding answers and take a wild fucking guess.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

Clothed. Occasionally with armour. Or just Sith (not a typo)

34. What kept you sane?

Nothing.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I dunno, honestly.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Brexit, obviously.

37. Who did you miss?

The ones who are too far away, the ones who are dead, and the one who moved from the first category to the second.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

Alka, maybe, or Baby Alex?

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018:

Not so much learned as had some - like “Trust no-one” - reinforced.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:

We returned to port with sorrow in our chests
An evil shadow followed us on every quest
(Captain Morgan's Revenge, Alestorm)

Odd, how normally it’s dates you remember, but sometimes it’s days instead, and then sometimes one of those gets connected to the other unexpectedly, and throws you, so you get thrown off-plan not on the one you usually expect.


Quite aside from connecting an actual date to an event I usually associate with Easter, Yesterday’s ITDOV put a thought in my head that I know is bollocks and my brain trying to fuck me up by needling, but which I could really do without. Anybody got some Retcon or a Blue Rose, or… I dunno, a mallet…?

(Let me put it this way, yesterday I was looking at Brexit stories to feel *less* down…)

The thing that gets me about the end of A Christmas Carol, and makes me think there ought to be a sequel that covers it, is the thing about Scrooge then keeping the spirit of Christmas - of kindness and helping and stuff - all year round, now that he feels Christmassy.

See, let me explain. If you're doing all these things and getting the Christmassy vibe from the fact that doing good things does actually make you feel good, then what actually happens when the calendar hits the Christmas season?

I'll tell you what happens - it feels like something is missing, cos you know what it should feel like, but most likely it''s actually going to work out to be a day which you don't get that good feeling, cos everything's shut and you're at home....

I mean, The most Christmassy I've felt this year was at times like the aftermath of pulling that random woman from the canal, or some things that happened at times like Yule Ball.. Which means by the time we reach this weekend - and especially when one is self-employed working from home - it feels like just a day when I'm sitting at home... It feels, basically, *less* Christmassy than other times of year. If this makes any sense at all.

They need to do a sequel that covers that. And that sounds less arsey, cos I know that probably comes over as some weird comic book bollocks that Peter Parker would have a problem with.

I dunno, I should do a novel or a script themed around it. Very odd.

David A McIntee
3 hrs ·

So... tournaments and competition fighting.

Not my thing, traditionally. I'm not interested in playing for ranks or titles because to me the martial arts are about self-improvement. Can I get more kills on you today than I did last time I fought you? That kind of thing. It's not, for me, a sport, or about winning. That's why I'm in it for the sparring. (Well, and coaching and stuff that I do.) However...

I was talking to Mike Prendergast on Saturday night, who, understanding all of this, and understanding why I haven't fought competition for, er, nearly 20 years, recommended that I do enter tournaments. He said that what I get out of it is something that I would get better out of tournaments, because everyone (self included) is doing their best there, not playing per se, which means my sense of how well I'm doing will be more accurate feedback than from normal and relaxed sparring. And, thinking about this, he's totally right, of course. Sometimes I've found in sparring (be it SCA, HEMA, or traditional martial arts like Taekwondo) that you sometimes find both yourself and your opponent laughing too much to do it properly. And that's fun, and I love it, cos this is a hobby, but it does affect the feedback.

He also reassured me that the judging and suchlike has changed a lot in the past 20 years (Look, I'm 47, I started before the name HEMA really existed!) And some stuff that happened back then was the main reason I stopped fighting competition, so... Even the SCA tournament I went in at Yule, after getting out of the hospital, has reassured me on that ... issue.

So I guess I'm saying that, while I still have no aim to win tournaments, nor acquire prizes, I will go back to entering tounaments, to test myself. For the most part we were talking HEMA here, but it will be a while for the reason that I need to get up to speed, train myself back out of SCA style, and fund new gear (cos anything I have left from back in the day no longer fits – I'm a lot slimmer now than then.), but, yeah. I'm not looking to win, because let's face it, my aim is internal, and I'm 47 now (and competition fighting is a youngster's game), but I will fight tournament again.

In the meantime, I guess I'll do more SCA fencing tournaments, for the same reason: Testing myself when we're being more serious. So, I have Master Cernac to thank or blame.

As for SCA Heavy... Watching Lesley do Coronet, I'm thinking every fighter should fight Coronet at least once. More importantly... How can I put this? Over the past year almost everything I give a shit about has been been being taken away from me, and after that bleeding to death thing, I just... I just can't think of a more appropirate “fuck you” and finger-flip to the Reaper, or whatever powers that be which have tried to get me so many times lately. That which does not kill me makes me very pissed off with it. So, yeah, I will do that, as and when appropriate, depending on getting authed and feeling confident that I have what it takes to do so. Which will not be until at least November 2017, whatever happens, because I'd also need to get some bits of armour sorted, and even if I was miraculously up for it in February, I have other commitments next February. But yes, I will get authed, get good, and fight Coronet sometime after Autumn 2017, if nobody minds...

No, I won't be taking up Taekwondo competitive fighting though! Everybody will think I'm an idiot about to be slaughtered everywhere anyway, so one has to draw a line somewhere....

Monitoring how my eyes are going, I fee; they somewhat bottomed out about three or four weeks ago, in terms of cobwebbing and interference with resolving text. The cobwebbing has reduced by around 60% from its worst since starting the tablets, and my reading-vision (if that's the right term) is better this week than it was a week to two weeks ago, though still worse than it was a month ago, (I'm comparing against the same book every few days, so I know I'm not being led astray by different types or fonts). So, that's somewhat reassuring, and I'm hoping the various treatments will continue to recover things.

So, the diabetes is Type 2, and apparently a relatively recent development. They reckon that - well, they reckon everything about this is unusual, and I was able to confirm that there's a history of "unusual" in the family, not a history of diabetes. Anyway, yeah, they reckon that I'd been pre-diabetic, in danger of it, for years, but not actually diabetic yet because I'd (quite coincidentally in a general attempt to stay fit and healthy) been controlling it. Until this year, when there was a lot of stress (which raises blood sugars), illness ((which raises blood sugars), injury (which raises blood sugars), allergic crap (which... you get the idea) and a course of steroids for that (which *really* raise blood sugars). And then in order to get toe most recent couple of books done, I'd trashed all that controle, skipped meals all over the place, fuelled on cola and cornflakes, and basically... Well, Boom.

However, this means that it too has sort of been caught early - so it and the liver both decided to launch all-out attacks before they were ready and established, which is always a losing move.

Anyway, so they looked at my glucose test record, and declared I've got it under "rock steady" control (the most common number I see is 7.4, down from 9ish last month), and asked if I wanted to a) try switching to tablets, but that the tablets are more for overweight pateints which I'm not, and that they probably actually wouldn't necessarily be right for me. (Unusual, remember). Or, b) stop taking the insulin and see what happens - well, no, cos I don't want any repeats of the bleeding to death on the operating table thing - or c) my preference, dial down the insulin dosage and see what happens. To be on the safe side, they're booking an appointment for the New Year so that the consultant can decide what to do next. Until then I'm to continue with the insulin since I don't want to "see what happens", and if the glucose numbers drop to the 5s and 4s give them a bell to get a lower dosage determined.

They also said I could just do glucoe tests on alternate days if i want, but I actually like seeing an objective run of how the system's functioning, so I'm happy to continue.

FWIW, apparently one particular blood test gives them the sugar reading for three months. When I went in, it was 58, which was just above the diagnostic band for diabetes. Today it was 47, which is *below* the diagnostic score for diabetes. Since there's no actual cure for it, I'm assuming either, a) the insulin is keeping it down, but can probably do with the dosage being reduced, b) it's some kind of false reading since by November 3rd none of the blood in my veins was actually mine, so I dunno if the continuity really works - but they probably thought of that, or c) the new regeneration cycle is working a little too well...!

While wandering the charity shops on Saturday, I noticed they all have the full Xmas stuff up, and the town's Xmas lights are up. Normally this bugs the shit out of me, especially when it's before Children In Need, Bonfire Night, and Halloween - but then I realised I'd already missed Halloween and Bonfire Night in the hospital, and Children in Need is this week... So, what the fuck.

I do like the idea of the Xmas stuff being a ceremonial to they year. I'd reached my "this year is fucked and the sooner it's gone and we get a new one the better" limit in about August, and it's just got worse since then, so... yeah, I'm totally done with 2015.

Last night Lesley was saying "but what about the good memories of it?"" Well, no... What have I got good-memory-wise? I was happy after Redemption, with a happy reunion, but that didn't last, so it's tied to gloom. I loved the three-kill combo with the katana in the fencing Castle Battle at Raglan this year, but that's then tied to hospitalisation with anaphylactic shock... Which really just leaves me with the hotel visit to check out the Royal Victoria in Sheffield (Redemption's new home), where the food was amazing and, well, Tyrone Cartwright and everyone was good company... and that was just one night out, really, out of the whole fucking year.

And I have another surgery or two to go as an outpatient in the coming weeks, urgh.

So, yeah, somebody take 2015 out and shoot it in the back of the head. Then dismember it and and burn the pieces.

Well, at the end of the week, two FNGs join the Cat Collective's mouse police unit with us, under El Presidente Bel and Captain General Cleo... Here they are. Four-month old brother and sister litter mates.








Actually we're thinking the ginger boy is Lorenzo (il Magnfico) and the girl is Caterina (Sforza) - which also pays tribute to the late Her Mogjesty Katiya, who I often referred to as Katerina Kanonenkugel... So they'll both have renaissance names.

If the female had been the ginger one, then they'd have been either Mulder and Scully or Amy and Rory, obviously.

At Eastercon I may have accidentally outed myself as less than the 100% straight that everybody thinks.

(Actually everybody seems to think of me as *more* than 100% straight…)

If I haven’t then I probably shouldn’t have said this…

As for a con report - I liveblogged it on Facebook and Tumblr so I wouldn't have to do one... Lesley has done hers here: http://sweetheartwhale.livejournal.com/69153.html