RIP Seven of Nine Lives

I just buried Seven. In the garden, next to Mursya

No coffee or breakfast yet, but this, already.

She seemed perfectly fine on Monday when we left, by last night when we got back, she seemed to have lost at least a third of her bodyweight and wasn't eating, and wasn't breathing right. We took her in this morning, and...

Renal failure, and her heart and lungs were collapsing. Apparently she must have been ill for a while and not showing - how do you tell when a cat who always throws up cat food her whole life is sick?

She would have been 15 in August, like her sister, Bel.

After Redemption in February I thought this was shaping up to be a really good year, but after April and May I can't wait to see the fucking back of it, and wish it had never been.

I wish I could just take the Long Walk

So far 2013's been like that.

Started in depression and illness to the extent of really not wanting to even do Redemption. Died a bit, regenerated...

Had wonderful time at Red 13, got regenerated, got healed, go my faith in the universe rebooted... Nice through March...

Then spent April and May, feels like the whole of so-called Spring, killing everything around me. Or at least with everything around me falling - and when you're raised so high, you've so much further to fall.

So there was pain and loss and guilt and pennilessness, and the last month repaying the glory of long-standing friendships with squalor and anxieties and burdens... I'm really no good to any of you, especially if I've ever brought you to a higher place to fall from.

Spending the last week with buggered ribs and shit weather, four hours sleep at night, sliding deadlines, and more death.

I'm a fucking jinx to everybody around me, and I should take the Long Walk if I knew where to go.