I don't even know what I want

[lonemagpie]

Well

All I *really* want is to not fucking hurt and upset and fail people, and I used to be good at that, but not now. And I don’t fucking know how that switched, or how to not get back to being not a hurtful thing.

And I therefore feel I must be a complete douchebag because I can’t get that right.

As for what will make me feel more immediately better... I've no idea. I can't think of a damn thing that would give me good feels.

This fucking year...